Miller and the Whitsand Bay Adventure Part I

So… we rolls-up to the clifftop, overlooking Whitsand Bay, and the scene was absolutely pukka!!! The sky was blue, the sun was shinning and the waves were “strolling” into the crescent bay in proper “surf-dude-wet-dream” style!!! This was gonna be a good day and we couldn’t wait to get down there and catch a wave!!! Even though it was still early Spring the sun was warming like it was in mid-May and the cold breeze, coming in from the sea, didn’t seem to touch you. As we got changed by the road side, and behind the open doors of my jam jar (or car… whatever your preferences are!!), I couldn’t believe my mince pies as I clocked the sea below me… it was absolutely perfect for body boarding! Really powerful waves… which were not too big and not too small… the Goldie-Locks variety!!!  … were thundering their way towards the tidal sandy beach as if to say “Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough!!!” And even though I only had a shortie wetsuit and the seas were the coldest of the year… I weren’t gonna back down from that kind of “offer”!!! 🙂

Whitsand Bay, Kernow: Where the”Adventures” began 🙂

It was Me, Mat and Claire. Mat and Claire lived together (across the water in England!!!) as Claire was studying at Plymouth University. I’d been visiting them and the night before (which was Vernal Equinox Eve Eve leading into Vernal Equinox Eve… which now turned out to be this morning!!!  ) we’d been on a night out at the Plymouth Student Union bar… and what a top drawer night it was!!! No, scrub that!!!… it was so good it was on top of the drawers!!! ;-)… Alright, fuck it!!!… lets just say this night was so good it had gone beyond the drawers and reached the level of the mantelpiece!!! Yep… it was one of those type of nights… in all its imbibing glory!!! 🙂

You see… Plymouth Student Union is 24 carrot pukka!!! Its got three levels… the first level is done out like your normal English Pub… playing your usual commercial teeny-bopper music and pulling pints like there’s no tomorrow… a nice introduction and a great way to start proceedings!!!  But then there’s two other levels to move-on up to… one playing your usual club classics and R&B… and one playing your Indie and alternative music!!!… It’s quality and everyone’s catered for… except your mum and dad… just how it should be!!! 🙂

So, after a cheeky few to get warmed up, Claire stayed with her Uni mates in the pub and me and Mat made a bee line for the “Indie Disco” and what an entrance we made!!! Armed with our “almost” full pints – purchased at the bar below – we bowled through the disco door, into the Indie vibe, and confidently took our steps towards the dance floor. Me being a bit more eager, took the lead and just as I took a step down onto the cheap laminated floor area (leading to the dance floor) my foot slipped on my outstretched stride and my heels went over my head as I landed flat on my arse!!!! Mat cracked-up behind me and just as he took a step forward to help me back up… he did exactly the same!!! It was hilarious!!! It was like a scene out of Laurel and Hardy!!! We just sat there like a couple of plonkers laughing our heads off!!! After getting back to our feet, composing ourselves and wiping the pigs ear from our boat races, we congratulated ourselves on our instinctive beer saving abilities after realizing we’d both saved half a pint!!! And then… WHOA… WHEY… two other muppets went arse over tit on the same spot we did!!! It was fucking hilarious!!! The funniest thing ever!!! Did we help them up? Of course not… how could we? We were laughing too much!!! 🙂

And they were laughing too… and after they’d cleaned themselves up and wiped themselves down we proceeded to engage in a merry dialogue upon the Human Beings innate and instinctive abilty at… drink saving!!!  … and then the next bunch of mugs came along and they went up in the air too!!! It was quality!!! In the next few minutes it got to a point where there was a small crowd of us waiting for the next “unsuspecting victims” to suffer the same fate… yeah… the fate of “having a bubble bath!”… until some “responsible adult” came along and mopped up the mess and put one of those yellow hazard signs up… what a killjoy!!! 🙂

So the night continued in the same jovial vein until last orders were called and everyone was booted out… and in the early hours of the Vernal Equinox Eve morning Mat and Claire, being the exceptionally cool people they were, didn’t take me to a burger van or a kebab shop in order to soak up the beer juices and quell the hunger pangs… No!… they took me to this quality “all-night” proper British Café where Fry-ups were the only thing on the menu and at about half past 3 in the morning we had a full English Breakfast with Union Jack mugs for our tea!!! Mate… we’d now reached levels above the mantelpiece and were now in the realms of the mirror on the chimney breast!!! And the reflection was looking sweet… Cheers Ears!!! 🙂

So that was the end of the night before – we went back to the house, had a bit of kip and was up at about ten to head for the Torpoint Ferry and Cornwall’s best south coast surfing beach… Completely off the cuff and on what turned out to be… the most exceptional day for it!!! 🙂

Now, of course, I aint gonna pretend that I’m some kind of “cool-arse” surfer dude… because I’m not… I have surfed a bit, but coming from where I’m from you don’t get much of a chance to surf and I’ve always found it much easier to just carry a body-board in the boot of my car, just in case I might pass a beach – on my travels! – where the conditions are right and I’m able to do so. And unlike the amazing amount of inviting Sunkist sandy beaches that exist around Cornwall and the West Country, the Thames and Essex coastline don’t tend to offer those kind of “invitations”… no… what you tend to get is this uniquely absorbent sludge which squelches up between your toes and appears to have been formed from copious amounts of London turds being released into the river estuary!!! You think twice about paddling let alone swimming!!! 🙂

And far from having the look of someone who’s grown-up by the Cornish seaside, with the salty air blowing through their ample locks… I tend to keep the look of a geezer who’s had to tolerate the whiff of the Sewage Works at Becton drifting by his nostrils every time the breeze blows in the wrong direction!!! And at times like that you really don’t want to be having long hair… the shorter the better!!!… Lovely! 🙂

So… anyway… after taking in the views… and accepting the “offer” of hitting some waves!!! :-)…. we grabbed the body boards and left my beautiful and white Aston Martin… I mean Austin Maestro… (which was now actually a Rover!!!) 🙂 on the grass verge of the “high” way, while we jogged the long way down to the beach… bare foot and all. And the lower we got, the greater was the sound of our expectations!!!

I think Charles Dickens wrote a book about that!!! 🙂

Lots of Love,


Author: Lee D Miller

I'm a bloke from Barking who has travelled the world and done his best to learn and enlighten. There's so much to learn and you cant do it all in a classroom. The World is the classroom and it's important that people wake-up to that fact.

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