After my “Escape from Wellington”….. (which wasn’t so much an “escape” from New Zealand, but more an “escape” from having to pay AGAIN for my air ticket home! 🙂 …… My God…. would that have been an almighty kick in the Niagras!!!! 🙂 ) …… I was heading for…. “I like to be in America! Okay by me in America! Everything free in America! For a small fee in America!” 🙂 ….. via….. Fiji!!!! 🙂
As I sat on the plane, to Nadi, I was feeling a mixture of “feelings” and, unfortunately, none of those feelings were that of excitement. I found myself absorbed in a mixture of emotions…. some of relief – at being on the plane anyway – and some of absoulute disappointment at not being able to fulfil my childhood dream of visiting Tahiti – because the plane I was on was going to Fiji. I then also felt, quite ironically, bad about not feeling excited about going to Fiji!!!! What a muppet I can really be at times and how the fuck do you get out of that conundrum?….. not of being a muppet of course….. that’s “epidemic”, as Del Boy would say!!!! 🙂 …… No ….. the “academic” fact of feeling bad about going to a place, because you had intended on going somewhere else, and then feeling bad about feeling bad about going there!!!!! Are you feeling me on this? Good…. so now it’s a “pandemic”!!!! 🙂 It’s amazing how quickly that can spread….. you just have to convey an emotion!!!! 🙂
Well, with all the “demics” put to one side, the reason why I was feeling bad about feeling bad was because, under normal “non-demic” circumstances, I would have loved to have had the opportunity to travel to Fiji!!!! 🙂 I loved their rugby side and had enjoyed watching them play live in the “Twickenham Seven’s” the year before!! Also, one of the other things I wished to experience, on this trip, was a Pacific Islander rugby pitch!!! I just thought seeing such a quintessential English thing in such an exotic location would be an experience in itself and certainly a far cry from the rain drenched mud baths of home!!!! 🙂 And if you’re going to fulfil a desire to see such a thing, in such a place, then the best place for that kind of thing is Fiji!!! I even hoped to see a match!!! 🙂 But, because of the “demics”, I wasn’t feeling it, and I felt bad about that!!!! 🙂
In all seriousness, it was actually quite horrible and I had to have a word with myself “Come on Lee, snap out of it son!!!! You’re going to be home, in England, in a fortnight’s time and right now you’re on the way to an amazing place! You may never get the chance to go to Fiji again…. so get over yourself and stop being a twat!!!!” I caught eye contact with the stewardess and beckoned her over “Stewardess…. could I have a cup of tea please?” I asked. “Certainly, Sir” she replied and brought me one. Ahhhh….. that felt better!!!! 🙂
We landed at Nadi airport and, after you get through customs, it’s like everywhere else in the world because you suddenly get pounced upon by all the “guest house” vultures giving all the same promises about all the “same” guest houses all over the “rest of the world”!!!! 🙂 So I engaged my usual “determination” appraisal and was on my way to a merry little guest house/hotel on the outskirts of Nadi, surrounded by palm trees and near the beach too! I went into the reception, which had the bar/restaurant attached to it in an open plan setting, and heard the distinct sounds of a football matched being played on the TV. They were showing a Premier League match and some of the locals had gathered to watch it. I immediately congratulated myself on my fine choice in “determination” and set about checking in, settling in and getting in as quickly as possible…… so that I could watch it!!!! 🙂
And as I’m checking in, settling in and…. 🙂 …… I noticed the Fijian lady checking me in was also….. checking me out!….. so we began to flirt a bit!!!! 🙂 Blimey, she was beautiful and had a fine figure on with all her lumps and bumps in the right places….. if you know what I mean!!! 🙂 She looked like she was in her mid-twenties, but being a Pacific Islander, I thought that probably meant she was in her mid-thirties because they age so well! She was definitely hot though and so there wasn’t any need to ask her age!!!! 🙂
After some smiles, and a few little giggles, she directed me to my room and I went to dump my stuff and get straight back to the bar to watch the footy! The locals watching the game welcomed me to sit down and it was nice watching the game with them. It’s strange though, because it does my nut in to know that I can be freely watching English Football in the far reaches of the world…. and yet….. if I was in England at the same time I probably wouldn’t be able to watch it!!!! It’s fucking mental!!!! Especially when it comes to the Saturday afternoon 3 o’clock kick-offs….. you could be in Timbuktu watching one of those ones freely, yet if you were watching it on a TV in the land in which it was being played then that act would be illegal!!! The football world can indeed be as insane as the rest of it!!!! 🙂
As I watched the game the Fijian lady came to serve me beer and I continued to harmlessly flirt with her, and in return she continued to smile and return the compliment!!! 🙂 The match came to an end and the Fijian guys all disappeared…. as I think they all had wives to return to too!!!! 🙂 ….. which left me with the receptionist! 🙂 I asked her if there was anywhere she would recommend going out to in the evening and she told me about one bar, and then she said “I’ll go with you if you want.” …… “Blimey…. that was a bit forward!” I thought, but I liked it!!!! 🙂 So I said “Cool, that’d be nice” with a big smile! 🙂 She told me she was finishing work in an hour or so and she could meet me at 8. It was late afternoon, by then, which meant that’d give me a chance to go for a wander and get back to put my glad rags on, so I replied “Yeah, that sounds good” and we arranged where to meet!!! 🙂
Blimey…. I’d only been in Fiji a few hours and I had a date!!!! 🙂 I was pleased about it though because I felt I needed something like that to take my mind of all the other bollocks! Hang on a minute…. I was actually feeling excited when I left the bar and I went on my recce with quite a spring in my step!!! 🙂 Anyway, I had a look around the manor and took in the sights (and the sites!!!) of palm trees and beaches, and sea and of sand, and of….. a rugby pitch in between the palm trees and the beach and the sea and the sand!!!! 🙂 Wow…. what an exceptional thing to see…. and it certainly beat the sight/site of Barking Rugby Club by the Goresbrook interchange in Dagenham!!!! I went onto the pitch, had a little run and immediately realised why the Fijians were such hard bastards….. the pitch felt like concrete!!!!…… fuck that for a tackle!….. it’s probably why they run and move so fast!!!! 🙂 After almost breaking my ankle…. on the quick dried cement! 🙂 …… I returned back to my “pad” in the “motel” like grounds of the hotel…. and I had my 3 S’s…. blokes know what that is girls…. and I’m not gonna tell ya!!! 🙂
So I met her at 8 and was amazed when she turned up on time….. I hadn’t really expected her to turn up at all!!!! 🙂 ….. and it was nice man….. I really like and appreciate that in a girl. She was wearing this short, figure hugging, summer dress and she looked pretty awesome in it! I began to figure that, even if she looked twenty something, she must have been thirty something simply because of the way she carried herself…. she had that self-confidence and self-assurance that a twenty something woman just doesn’t have and usually yearns for. I was really liking this girl!!! 🙂
She hailed us a cab and she took me to this “off the beaten tourist track” bar where, once again, and like when I went to the Thai boxing in Bangkok with Mint, I was the only white guy there, but unlike the time at the boxing the indigenous men didn’t look like they wanted to kill me for being with one of “their” women!!!! 🙂 And that was a relief because, unlike the average Thai blokes whom were small and quick…. the average Fijian blokes were big and fast…. and I didn’t fancy my chances….. especially as they didn’t sell bottles of Newcastle at the bar!!!!! 🙂 No, but after I had bought us both a beer at the bar we began to shoot a game of pool and I got the impression that I may have not been the first white guy she’d brought there because although I did get the vibe that they weren’t happy with me being with her, they didn’t make it obvious, and it simply felt more like a case of “here she goes again!” 🙂
It was clear, to me, that she was enjoying me being there with her too and I really admired her attitude. She had a lot of “balls”….. and she wasn’t even a lady boy!!! 🙂 …. no…. what I mean is that she was coming across as one of those really strong women, you know, the type that don’t give a fuck about what a man thinks about them because they care more about what they think about themselves…. and if any man had a problem with that….. she wouldn’t think twice about kicking him in his balls!!!! J Anyway, that was the vibe I was getting….. and I liked it!!!! J She certainly had some confidence about her….. and there was no way I was gonna mess with her….. “Do you want another beer sweetheart? I’ll get another round in. Sorted.” 🙂
We continued having a nice evening together and as the night progressed the mating game went through its “landmark” stages and we ended up getting a cab back to “my pad” in order to complete the “game”. It was late by then and as my room was outside of the main building we managed to get there unseen by anyone at the hotel. So we went in and we kissed and we cuddled, and we did all of the things that you would normally do when you meet someone you like and want to take it a step further, but I wasn’t feeling it because I was thinking about Nicole. It just felt wrong to me and I forced myself to go through the motions, thinking that’s what I needed to do, but it wasn’t. After we completed “the game” I just held her and I told her I was sorry. She knew my head wasn’t there in the moments we were most intimate, and she was understanding about it, but it wasn’t fair or right. She deserved better than that, but she didn’t ask any questions of me, she just accepted that my head wasn’t right. I held her for a while and then she dressed and she left…. and I cried my eyes out.
It’s strange how all that happened….. at least I think it’s strange when I look back…. there’s her giving the large like a bloke….. and there’s me getting all emotional like a bird!!! You couldn’t make it up….. and if you were going to….. you wouldn’t tell anyone that it was you who was the bloke in that situation!!!! 🙂 Blimey, that night I discovered that my head was more fucked than I was!!!! 🙂 And maybe that’s exactly what this whole journey was about…. not about being fucked…. but about finding the balance between the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine within yourself. I certainly feel that she had found the Divine Masculine within herself and I was finding the Divine Feminine within myself, or, perhaps, had already found it.
At breakfast, the next morning, I met some backpackers who told me about this backpacker resort on this isolated Island. It sounded amazing and just what I needed. I’d given myself several days to explore Fiji, but I just wasn’t feeling up for it. I just wanted to hide myself away and be in my own space for a while and this place sounded like just the ticket. So I set to finding out more and within an hour or so I was booked, packed and ready to go!
I was thinking that I didn’t want to leave without saying a proper goodbye to “the receptionist” and luckily she started her shift just before I was about to go. I told her that I was leaving and although she looked disappointed, she seemed to understand without me explaining anything. I wished I could have been more to her, but I couldn’t. We embraced and she said “You’re a good man.” And I replied “You’re a good woman.”
We gave each other a warm and regretful smile, and then I was off because I was looking to “man-up” in a place that was most appropriately named….. Mana Island!!!! 🙂
Lots of Love,