So it was August, 2005, and I was back in England. Several days before I had been sitting in a tree house, in the deepest jungle of Laos, on a “Gibbon Experience,” farther away from civilisation than I had ever been before, and on one night, during that exceptional “experience”, I made a choice…. no…… I had an impulse and a desperate calling that I had to get back to England and see Nicole as soon as possible. After I had made that decision I felt well and I was (amazingly!) sitting on the London Underground within 72 hours of making that “decision” in the tree house, in Laos, but, my God, what an adventure that journey was!!!! You wouldn’t believe the synchronicities that occurred!!! 🙂
Now, the decision wasn’t completely Nicole related, even if she was the absolute catalyst. When I was in the jungle, that night, I had also felt a bit “homesick” and I thought “Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be able to go to Lynmouth (my favourite place in the World!) and have fish and chips on the sea front there!” Then I thought about my forthcoming 30th Birthday. I was due to spending it in Bangkok and I thought I really don’t wish to be spending it there surrounded by lady boys and ping pong shows…… with no offence intended towards ping pong shows or lady boys…. I love table tennis as much as the next man…. even when it’s being played by boys impressively dressed as ladies!!!! 🙂 ……. No….. it wasn’t my scene….. and certainly not the scene where, on reflection, I desired to spend my 30th. What I wanted…. what I really really wanted 🙂 …… was to spend my 30th in a pub surrounded by my family. So with all those thoughts and considerations flying around my head making the decision to come home, in that moment, wasn’t as difficult as it would have otherwise appeared. It was just getting home that was the problem!!!!! 🙂
I also thought that at least with those other reason telling Nicole I was coming home to see her wouldn’t sound as “crazy” as it might have otherwise had done, but, in my attempt to not sound too “crazy” over her and trying to play it as cool as possible, I put the emphasis of my return on seeing my family and my 30th Birthday, rather than purely on her, and that seemed to go against me somehow. You just cant win with women sometimes, you’re either too much or you’re not enough, no matter what you try to do or be! I’ve given up trying now and I’m just being!!! Life’s simpler that way!!! 🙂
On the plane home, from Bangkok to London, I’d just wished to be able to spend one hour with Nicole to find out where her head was at and what was going on. Was she going to join me? Did she wish to be with me? Did we have a future together? If I got the answers to those questions, with her saying them right in front of me, then I’d be happy and I could move on either way. I wished to God that she’d have the courage to be with me, but I also knew that being with someone like me was a massive step for her. I just needed those answers so that I could sort my own head out and I knew I couldn’t carrying on the way I was. Well, I was gifted that hour and I had met Nicole, in the grounds of Barking Abbey on a beautiful English summer’s day. It was wonderful spending that time with her and I did receives some answers, but unfortunately some text messages I received upon the evening of those answers made things so much more unclear again.
Upon my return to my Mums I was staggered to open a letter from HM Revenues and Customs with a tax rebate cheque for over 900 notes!!!! That covered my “impromptu” expedition home and the hire of the car I required to get to the West Country!!!! 🙂 I was ecstatic about that and felt the “Gods” were indeed on my side and smiling down upon me!!! During our time lying and sitting on the grass in Barking Abbey I’d invited Nicole to come to the West Country with me. I thought that maybe some time together like that would instil in her some confidence to travel… with me…. if she chose. She said she would consider it, but the text messages I received had put an end to any hopes of that occurring due to circumstances, she explained, that were quite unforeseen. In fact, she expressed that she couldn’t and wouldn’t be able to see me again. At least I knew now. I was heartbroken.
But the next day I had to be off to Devon and, to be fair, it was the best thing for me as I was able to stop at Stonehenge, say some Prayers, and go and be at the place that I loved most in the World!!! 🙂 The nature around Lynmouth and Lynton is exceptional and I think that’s the main reason why I love it so much there. I get lost in the nature there, not literally, but Spiritually! 🙂 Other than that it’s the fish and chips, the pasties and all the Public Houses!!!! It’s Top Drawer and I love it! 🙂 After Stonehenge, however, and on this occasion, I felt I needed to see Vicky too and luckily she lived en route. So I phoned and arranged to pop by.
It was good to see Vicky and after she invited me in she made a cup of tea and we had a little catch-up on things. I began to try and tell her about Nicole because I really couldn’t get what had happened out of my system; the sense of loss, the lack of understanding and the sense of frustration at being powerless to do anything about anything! But, being the Spiritually enlighten woman she was…. she wasn’t particularly interested!!!! 🙂 ….. and instead her head “flicked” and she told me to go over to her bookcase and pick out a book.
So I walked over to the bookcase and “randomly” picked out a book, then I proceeded to equally “randomly” open it to “any” page; and the page I opened it to showed a Roman/Greek picture of a Lion being held down, and trodden upon, by a Scorpion. I was a Leo and Nicole was a Scorpio! “Did you get your answer?” Vicky asked “Yeah… fuck-off” I thought, but simply nodded in full acknowledgement of Vicky’s greater wisdom. A picture can indeed paint a thousand words and I was painting like a decorator for the council!!!! 🙂
Vicky was so enlightened she didn’t even ask about what I had seen, but instead just went straight on to the subject of the ring because it was that in which she was interested. She asked to hold it, so she could dowse it for information, and I dually gave it to her. She closed her eyes and held it for a short while, and then she opened her eyes and gave the ring back to me. Her intuitions about it were very similar to my own and so we didn’t get much more from the exercise; but then she walked across the room and her head “twitched” again; and she stopped in her tracks and closed her eyes. When she opened them she immediately asked me “Are you recording the experiences you’re having?” to which I replied “No, but I’ve been thinking about doing that.” Then she said “You’re on a special journey and you need to record your experiences” as if the words had just come through to her. It was a lovely thing to hear because I’d really been thinking, quite a lot, that I wanted to write about the things that had been happening to me, I just didn’t think anyone would be interested to read about them or would understand. Hearing that gave me, not so much a kick up the arse, but more a push in the right direction.
Vicky then put a chair in the middle of the room and asked me to sit upon it. I sat down and Vicky said to me “I want to see who’s with you” and then continued “Or rather, I want you to see who’s with you. Put your hands on your knees, close your eyes, relax and see what picture appears in your mind.” I did so, but after a few minutes nothing was coming and I told Vicky so. “Dont worry” she replied “Just relax, empty your mind and wait…. What do you see?” I did as she asked, but nothing immediately came, and so I waited, and then, after several minutes of quiet and nothingness…. a picture of a Lion formed in my mind’s eye. I told Vicky and all she said was “Interesting.”
To be honest, I wasn’t completely convinced myself because I thought that I always identify myself with a Lion so what other picture would come into my head?!!! But on deeper reflection, much later, I realised it wasn’t the picture of the face of a Lion that I had seen in my mind’s eye…. it was the picture of the face of a Lioness…. and I’d never identified myself with a Lioness before. Make what you wish of that.
My time with Vicky had naturally reached its conclusion and I had to be getting on. We said our farewells, with Vicky repeating her message to me and me acknowledging that I would most certainly begin to do so.
And so, with my hire car at the ready, I was off to Lynmouth and Exmoor feeling ever so much better than I had done so before! 🙂
Lots of Love,