Miller and the Kings Canyon Adventure Part I

So………..The Canyon and the Adventure of the King πŸ˜‰ ………

Well, I had to book a mickey mouse tour, over priced to accomodate the wealth of the post middle-aged tourist clientel and release them of their financial burden…. apparently the company wanted to cash in on the green stuff early… before the retirement homes had a chance to take the piss………..and me……… well I was stuck, cos there was no other way for me to get to Kings Canyon and end up in Alice Springs on the same day……. it was a means to an end….. I had the means…….. only after I paid with the means…… I started worrying about my retirement!!!! πŸ˜‰

When I booked it I asked about the deal when we got there and was informed that I had a chioce of 2 walks……the gorge (just over a mile return) or ridge walk (around 4 mile loop). Yeah right…..I’m doing both i thought. So on the way there, when we stopped at a service station I asked at the counter if the walks were well defined, marked up and easy to follow. The guy said yes and yes and yes, showing me a map of the trails which I memorised…..they were quite straight forward and my minds quite photo-graphic for shit like that. So it was all gravy.

Then as we’re approaching Kings Canyon the driver announces…..”Theres 2 walks and you have a choose which one you want to do…..either the gorge walk with me or the ridge walk with “cant remember her name”. As you’re part of this tour group we can not allow you to do the walk on your own as we have an obligation to your safety and people have got lost and died in Kings Canyon”

WHAT THE FUCK????!!!!! This really made me feel ready for some agro!!!! NO ONE HAS AN OBLIGATION TO ME!!!!! I”M RESPONSIBLE FOR MYSELF!!!…….and while I’m at it……..

FUCK OFF WITH YOUR CREATION OF FEAR!!!!!!!!!! Who died? When did they die? How did they die? What were they bloody doing when they died?!!!!!! YOU DONT KNOW……WELL PISS OFF THEN!!!!! If I die its because I’ve decided to and no one else is responsible!!!! Its because of a decision I made and its my responsibility. If I’m out of this world its because I’ve learnt the lessons I needed to learn in this life and its time for me to transcend to the next…….

…..And…..if I do get into some bother on route….how do you know that I’m not meant to learn something immeasurable from my confrontation with adversity!!!!! How do you know that the universe hasnt lined up a profound lesson for me which will enable be to transcend further along my path!!!!! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO RESTRICT MY FREEWILL?!!!!!!! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU”RE IN A BETTER POSITION TO JUDGE MY REALITY THEN I AM?!!!!!!!!

The answers are you dont and you’re not!!!!! The only thing you have a right to do is what my wonderful parents have done throughout my life……….left me to get on with it…….and be there if I ask for help ( and help is also a choice YOU have whether YOU wish to give or not ).

So when we gets out of the coach I goes up to “cant remember her name” and explains that I wanted to do both walks by myself because thats how I choose to experience the Canyon. She repeated the shit about they’re obligation etc, etc and I replied “Look…..I’m not a muppet and I’m very experienced (I did actually look the part standing there in my Low Alpine shirt, Molecule combat shorts and North Face climbing shoes) and I have 4 litres of water (the muppets had only recommended 1 litre in 35 degree temperatures!!!), a compass with survival kit and a days worth of food (all true….I’m really not a muppet when it comes to this shit). And I’m pretty fast over any terrain and dont enjoy walking slow as part of a group.”

But she continued on her line of “responsibility” shit, so I goes “Look just give me a disclaimer slip and I’ll sign it”. She retorted that they had no such thing, so I continued ” Well I have a pen and paper….. I’ll write a letter disclaiming you’re responsiblity to me then, hows that?….thats perfectly legal”. But she continued “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid we wont be able to allow you to go off by yourself”………..”No?” I replied…..”And exactly what are you gonna do to stop me?!” I said looking her straight in the mince pies!

She suddenly clocked that she had as much hope as Bob after a surname change and No Hope was enjoying a cameo appearance!!!!! πŸ™‚ “I’ll go and talk with the driver” she said, “You go and do that, that’ll be nice” I said as she walked fast in his direction!!!

What happened next was a peach!!!!! As they walked back towards me I could see her telling the story and him nodding in my direction. When he got to me he said “So you want to do the walks on your own”….”Yeap” I said…..”Ok, follow me a sec”. And we went and stood right in the middle of the whole group….about 40 – 50 people…..and he announced, in a semi loud voice…..”Well, if thats the case I want to make it clear, infrount of all these witnesses, that you do so at your own risk. It is 8.50 am now and the bus leaves at 12. If you’re not back at the bus by 11.50 am, I will take your bag off the bus and leave you at Kings Canyon….is that clear?”…….”That….. IS ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC!!!!! Thankyou very much!!!!” I declared.

And Miller walked off into the distance with had a big smile on his face!!!!!!……
Loving it!!!!!

Love and Light,


Author: Lee D Miller

I'm a bloke from Barking who has travelled the world and done his best to learn and enlighten. There's so much to learn and you cant do it all in a classroom. The World is the classroom and it's important that people wake-up to that fact.

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