I'm a bloke from Barking who has travelled the world and done his best to learn and enlighten; there's so much to learn and you cant do it all in a classroom; the world is the classroom and it's important that people wake-up to that fact. Also, it came to me, a number of years ago, that the second coming of Christ Jesus shall be the re-birth of Christ consciousness within each and every one of us and not the resurrection of Christ Jesus as a man in a physical human form.
Well, I got to the Blue Mountains and had a great time. These German birds I met in Sydney invited me to meet up with them there and we hooked up in the YHA hostel….. and bloody hell…. it aint a hostel….its like a stunning hotel!!!! It’s beautiful…. I could well have had a holiday there!!! 🙂
Anyway, in Sydney, the German birds had been eating only noodles and shit all week long. One night they even had just a bag of oven chips (…. with tomato sauce….a la carte hey!!!!) and they had the front to turn their nose up at my beans on toast!!! What an insult to English quisine!!! I ask ya…. what a liberty!!! So I had said, in Sydney, that in the Blue Mountains, I’d cook them a proper bit of English grub, which would be simple, delicious, healthy, easy to make and CHEAP (like the budgie)…. and they readily agreed.
So once I got there, we went out shopping and I proceeded to buy the ingredients for bangers and mash, with brocolli and carrots (….and gravy…. this was gonna be proper a la carte hey!!!). Oh, and not just any old sausages…… Kangaroo sausages!!!!……. Hey, I’m in Australia now!!!! So anyways, I gets to work on “Le Anglaise Production C’est Manifique” and the girls helped out as best they could and 20 minutes later…… Roberts your fathers brother……. we had “Le Anglaise mange c’est tres bien”!!! 🙂
They loved it!!!! Ate every bit and even wiped up the gravy with some bread like proper working class people should!!!! Compliments ensued and Miller had a big smile on his face….. another convert!!! You see…… you foreign types……. you love slagging off English food but none of you have really sampled it or given it a chance. You’re too busy relaying the horror stories of the output of the resturant on the P and O ferry as you were crossing the English Channel!!! Give it a chance….. it’s simple and very wholesome!!!!! 🙂
Anyway, the girls wanted to go to bed early, so it was time to make some new friends and I clocked a couple of sweet looking Japanese birds and decided they needed some entertaining!!! 🙂 Anyway, as the conversation developed we ended up talking about spitualism and the dogma of religion, and I told them about the time I was in Bangkok and went to a Buddist temple with Mint….
*Mint was this Thai girl I spent a lot of time with during my first week in Bangkok. She was the head receptionist at my hotel and we got quite close (nothing like that, just as friends…. my heart was elsewhere at the time and when I’m with someone I’m with them. It’s just me). She was a really lovely person, really true to herself and we had some nice times.*
….. As we went into the temple we sat in front of the Budda and I sat how it felt natural and comfortable for me to sit…. with my legs crossed outstretched in front of me and my arms supporting me keeping me upright outstretched behind. It felt beautiful in there and I was really feeling at ease. Then an older woman attendant (?) came over and started saying something to Mint with a very agitated voice and Mint whispered in my ear that the woman said I shouldn’t sit like that. So I obliged out of respect and sat on my knees….. (I didn’t feel at peace then because it felt so bloody uncomfortable!!!!).
Anyhow, when we got back outside Mint was all apologies to me for the woman “reprimanding” me and because she told me how to sit. I was like….”Mint, its cool. I wasn’t offended in anyway and I sat differently out of respect for their rules…… but the thing is…. the Budda doesn’t care how you sit when you go into a temple to worship him. Those are the rules of MEN. All the Budda cares about is what is in your heart and what your intentions are. And if that’s not the case then he’s not enlightened and he doesn’t deserve the adoration”. Mint agreed, and it was really nice.
After I told that story the Japanese woman said “Do you know what the name Mint means?” I said “No”. She then said “It’s the most special name you can be given in the far east…… it means Enlightenment”. Now that was special 🙂 .
Next day was all about walking and the thing about the Blue Mountains is they are actually blue!!!! And they’re beautiful!!! It’s something to do with the gases or the vapours that the eucalyptus trees give off. When the sun light hits them it gives of a blue essence….. much like that of old ladies hair…. except without the perm!!!! 🙂 .
Then it was back to Sydney and I checked into a different hostel which gave free beer tokens. I sorted out the mini-bus to the airport for the next morning and headed off to the pub for a cheeky free pint and was gonna do the email thing…. but…. you guessed it…… I met some people I knew and that cheeky pint turned into a cheeky….. you know what I lost count!!!!!
Was chatting with this nice Aussie bird who was half-Chinese and half-White. Sweet as 😉 . She had just left everything at home further north cos life had gone a bit pear-shaped, and was trying her luck in Sydney. Top girl…. good stuff. Anyway, as the night went on I once again run out of money and she carried on buying me drinks….. even topper girl!!!! Well, as you probably guessed we ended up going back to my hostel and had a nice night.
So, after hours of slipping in and out of… sleep, I woke to look at the clock. IT WAS 8.11AM!!!!!!!!! I had less than 10 minutes to get my shit together, check out of the hostel and meet the mini-bus!!!! Muppet!!!!
And that’s just about when the Ayers Rock Adventure began.
Well, been a good coupla weeks since I arrived. For the first week I kept going out for a cheeky pint, and that cheeky pint kept turning into a cheeky 4!!!…. then the Ashes started and well…. I couldn’t miss it!!! Went down this pub to watch it and ended up sitting next to an Australian. Well, as you may guess the initial conversation was a bit of a “digging” contest, and I realised that many years ago I would’ve got wound up by a couple of the things the guy was saying but as it happens, I got a better view of the world these days and I was actually revelling in the fact that I was sitting in Australia, watching the Ashes with a genuine Australian giving me digs……. and after a few mandatory digs back, the initial firing exchanges were complete and friendly fire ensued, and Jack turned out to be a top geezer!!! Was in the pub till 4.30 in the morning! I ran outtta money by 2, but the beers just kept coming!!! Top night!!
AND…. WE FUCKING WON THE ASHES!!!!! What a time to be in Australia! I do pick my moments! We’ve got the world cup and now the Ashes!!!!…… saw the scenes in London and it was the first time I wished I was back in England. Oh well….. hopefully we’ll win it the next time too!!! To be fair, the Australians have been good sports about it over here….. they’ve just not mentioned it!!!! 🙂
Speaking of good timing, went to Manly last weekend and had a great time. Got off the ferry to discover it was their 150th anniversary. Loads of shit was going on all day and the fireworks in the evening were really cool. The place reminds me of Weymouth a lot, with the beach and the main pub/club strip. I loved living in Weymouth and there’s a similar holiday vibe in Manly…… except with the added bonus that there’s more sunshine and bigger waves!!!!! 🙂
But anyway, just finished two weeks hard graft. Started the Monday after I got here and finished yesterday…. and its been proper hard labour…….. proper Mad Dogs and Englishman in the Midday Sun type stuff!!!! Been labouring at this building site barrowing bricks up a slope, pick axing and digging the foundations of an extension…. then barrowing everything back out, lifting and dumping it onto a truck because they couldn’t get a digger through to the back garden!!!
Two bloody weeks of it….. and guess what (I love the way I dream)…. the house is directly opposite the main entrance of the first prison built by the convicts in Australia!!!! Unbelievable, but so cool!!!! I’ve been working my right of passage, digging the same ground and pick axing the same bedrock that the convicts did when they first arrived in Australia!!!! I’ve been living the Australian Dream….. or was it a nightmare?!!!! Either way I’ve definitely followed in the footsteps of me ancestors!!! Felt like I’ve been working in some kind of chain gang….. except there’s been no chain….. and there’s been no gang!!!! Just me and another English guy called Gary!!!
Was hoping they’d give me a plot of land at the end of it… but instead the Greek owner of the firm tried to knock us for $50 when he paid us yesterday!!! Declan, who was the Paddy site manager and absolutely diamond geezer, said that seeing as we’d worked so hard all week, if we got the final bit of work done on Friday it’ll be “Job and Knock”. So we knocked our bollocks out and had the job finished by lunchtime… and then the bubble and squeak came along and only paid us for half the day!!!! Ship and anchor!!!!!! In fact, he didn’t even have the honour to come and give us the money himself, he just gave it to Declan and drove off!!! Declan saw how pissed off I was and I think was a bit ashamed of how this George fella had behaved, so he made up the $50 himself and said he’d get it off George the next week. Top bloke!!! Was a pleasure to work for him and I’m glad he had the decency to do that because it would have soured what was a good couple of weeks work, really enjoyed it.
Also had a cheeky look around the prison (its an arts college now… so there’s been some nice scenery…. if you know what I mean 😉 ) and its also a really impressive building, really aesthetically and pleasing to the eye…. those convicts did a blinding job!!! 🙂
And this is the enigma – a couple of centuries ago all you had to do to get to Australia was steal an apple….. and now you gotta pay for your own flight, get a visa and everything!!!! Howz that fair?!!! 🙂 I saw Tracey Ulman on Parkinson a few years ago and he asked her how she became so good at doing accents. She said she’d imagine what it was to be that person before she did the accent, and…. using the Australian accent as an example… she goes because that accent descends from the cockney accent, she said that she just imagined what it was like to be a cockney arrested in London (for stealing that apple and having the audacity to eat it!!! ), being put in the hull of a ship for 6 weeks, then walking off of the ship into scorching heat and onto a land scalded by bright sunshine. Your face squints up, your cheeks raise and your eyes turn into slits…. and you say in what will now be an Australian accent………..
“Gor Blimey, its Bloody hot over here!!!!”
It’s funny because its true!!!! 🙂
Anyway, thats me for now. Off to the Blue Mountains for a few days, then Ayers Rock.
Vicky, you know that film you was on at me about last September (or was it in January?) Well, I completely forgot the title of it almost immediately, but have been looking out for it ever since…. if that makes any sense….. I knew I’d remember it as soon as I saw it again. Well, I saw it advertised a coupla days after I got here – “What The Bleep Do We Know”. Went out to dinner with this French girl last week and we saw it afterwards. Good stuff…. and guess what……. as we were walking back after the film she showed me this photo on her digital camera, that she had taken 1/2 hour or so before she met me that evening, which had completely freaked her out……. it was a picture of the night time skyline of Sydney and on the picture, in the sky above the buildings, was a full moon…….. only when she looked at the same view of the sky with her own eyes, after she’d taken the photo, she noticed that…… THERE WAS NO MOON THERE!!!!! We then searched the sky to see if we could see the moon……. and we could……. but it was just less than a half moon crescent!!!! Good shit!!!! The best kind in fact!!!! But bloody freaky!!!! 🙂
Right…… Laos…… no actually, I’m gonna keep up to date with Australia and fill in the Laos missing link another time..…. Ok…. Aaauuuussssstttrrraaaaalllliiiiiaaa…………..
Mate….. as soon as I got here I loved it!!! You couldn’t take the smile off my face. I’ve travelled so much that I’d thought I’d lost the buzz you feel when you get to a new place or country…. but this had a different dimension to even that….. I had/have the sensation that I’ve returned home….. I know, bizarre hey, but real all the same. There’s a vibe here which I’ve never felt anywhere before…. a real positive energy….. it feels like a place where YOU CAN DO STUFF!!!!! England’s a wonderful country, but its full of people telling you “YOU CANT DO THAT” for whatever reason they have or whatever agenda they wish to pursue. Feels different here and I’m loving it!!!!!!
As soon as I’d checked into my hostel, I got hold of a map and found my way down to the Royal Botanical Gardens. As I walked through the gardens I began to notice the wildlife and nature etc. The colours looked so vibrant, I’ve never seen anything like them before, not even in the Amazon. Anyway, I went and sat on the rocks, by the water, overlooking the Sydney Opera House and Sydney Harbour Bridge. I felt so happy, the sensation of being at home was overwhelming, you could not take the smile off my boat race!!!!….. and then a boat named the Captain Cook sailed by and that smile got even bigger…. he was my hero when I was a kid!!!! 🙂 I just sat there, for hours, taking in the scene and watching the world go by while intermediately popping over to a vendor to keep myself topped up with cups of rosey!!!! I couldn’t bring myself to leave the place…. it felt so amazing!!!!… I felt like Zebedee and Tigger all rolled into one…. I was simply bouncing!!! 🙂
Anyway, later, after I’d returned to the hostel and had a kip, I decided to go back to the harbour and see it by night. I walked around and it was beautiful. I came to an area where there were street performers and was taken aback when I heard the voice of this girl who was singing with just a guitar. Beautiful. I sat there, with a cup of tea and listened to her whole set, getting up to put donations in her case after each song and making cheeky little comments. She was cool as…. is cool as. Cos it was a cold night, there weren’t many people about. People came and went (everyone taken aback by her), but a lot of the time it was me and this middle aged guy enjoying the tunes. I started talking to the guy and it turned out to be her dad!!! After she finished, her dad started packing up and I started having a bit of a giggle with her….. ok ….. I was coming onto her a little bit…. but you wont believe how hard it is to be cheeky with someone when their dads within ears shot!!!! I said as much to her and she said I was doing well……. well its all good then!!!
Melissa said that she was gonna be back there tomorrow afternoon if I was around…… definitely was the word that came to mind!!! So I said goodbye to her and John and went on my way, and ended up having a pukka night in a pub with live music. Oh…… and you know I’ve always said that the thing I miss the most about England when I travel was the freedom to walk into a pub and buy a pint……..well…. in Australia….. I can walk into a pub and….. BUY A PINT!!!!! Fantastic!!!!! 🙂
So Saturday afternoon I wander down to the harbour, saw Melissa and carried on where I left off. And as I sat there overlooking the opera house, drinking gallons of tea and listening to Melissa doing her thing……. I can honestly say that there was nowhere in the world I would have rather have been. She’s bloody amazing. She’s going to London in three weeks, for six weeks, to try her fortune there. I was talking to John and he said “While she’s there she’s gonna meet with “some guy” called Jools Holland” and he didn’t know who that was!!!!……. I was like “WHAT?….Jools Holland!…. I tell ya….. if she gets to meet him then as opportunities go, she’s pretty well sorted!!!!!”.
Anyway, I got her cd and its special. Look out for her if you’re in London. She’s called Melissa Maylin and Melissa, if you’re reading this and you do meet Mr.Holland…. then sing him Mother Dear, with all your heart and soul, and blow the geezer away!!!! You can do it….. you’re beautiful. Good luck!!! 🙂
On a different note (excuse the punn!!!), walking round Sydney at night is an experience in itself! All this shit people talk about British town centres being out of control at night because of drunken yobs….well you should see it here! And the thing is, violence may have been the main currency on the streets I grew up in, but at least there was usually a reason for it!!!…. It may not have been a good reason…. But there was a reason all the same!!! You would’ve at least had to look at someone the wrong way or piss them off somehow… but here it just feels random!!!!
Two Scottish guys in the hostel were slashed up by a bunch of Aborigines who picked a fight with them, and an English guy in my dorm was walking along when some Aussie guy just came up to pick a fight, then this other guy run from nowhere and smashed a bottle over his head. It’s just random…. you can feel it.
The first night I was here, I was walking through Kings Cross and I saw two Aussie geezers squaring up to each other. They then proceeded to have a real girls fight…. you know…. like the one Hugh Grant and Colin Firth had in Bridget Jones Diary!!!! 🙂 They were swinging all these punches at each other and nothing was connecting….. so they just resorted to pulling at each others clothes and falling over!!!! Would have been funny if it wasn’t so sad!!!! Then the police turn up and I couldn’t believe it…. in England, with anything like that, you’re immediately banged up for the night…. but here its like the last thing the police want to do is arrest you. They seem to just want to make excuses for you and let you off!!! I swear…. ok this is a bit of an over-simplified exaggeration… but they were like with those guys after they broke up the fight…. “Right, now calm down…. now you didn’t really mean to do that did you?…. Well shake hands and move on”…. and the two geezers shook hands and moved on!!! It was unbelievable!!!!
I’m resolute that its far more dignified to just walk away from any bother in this environment, especially after seeing that farce of a fight!!!! And to be honest… I dont want to hurt anyone, I got nothing to prove to anyone…… and I dont particularly want to be hurt by anyone!!! So if bother comes my way, I think I’m gonna take a leaf out of Monty Pythons “The Holy Grail” and just…….. Runaway, Runaway!!!!!!!! 🙂 It’s definitely the only way forward here!!!
First of all, I wanna just say thanks for all the positive replies I’ve been getting since I started journalising my travels. Its nice to know people are enjoying them and appreciating me sharing my experiences.
Well, you’ll never guess what bloody happened after I finished my last mail to you……… I left the internet place to go and meet the French guys at what I thought was 2.25pm, but when I got to the place where I was meant to meet them, they weren’t there and I discovered it was almost 3 o’clock!!!!! ALL the bloody clocks in the internet place had been set to the same bloody wrong time!!!!!! Either that or I’d just walked into a different reality and lost half hour of my life!!!!!! 😉 I couldn’t bloody believe it!!!! And so it was now too late to get a mini bus or taxi cos of the traffic, and a tuk tuk was out of the question. I didnt know what I was gonna do….. then it came to me ….. A MOPED!!!!
So I went hunting for anyone with a moped to give me a lift. After a few knock backs I eventually came to a propa moped stand and asked a guy how much to the airport. He said “300 bart”…. I said “Bro, I’ve been told its 150” (I hadn’t…. it was a pork pie!!!)….. He said “No, no, its 300” (it wasn’t… that was a pork pie!!!)…… I said “Look, I can give you 200….that’s all I’ve got” (saying pretty much the truth!!!) ….He persisted “250”….. and so I persisted “200”……”250!!!” he demanded….. and so I goes “Bro, you can either earn 200 bart or you can sit on your arse all afternoon sunning your face… what’s it to be?”.
With that he snatched the money from my hand and gave me a pink helmet to put on!!! I said “Bud, I’m really not into helmets…. especially pink ones!!!”. He said “You must…its the law”. I thought fuck it…. I really need to get to this airport!!!!
So off we screeched, me with a pink helmet and my backpack on, on what was gonna turn-out to be the ride of my life!!!! The geezer was a nutter!!! I said at first “Bud, you do realise I’m not in a rush now”. But he just kept saying “Its ok” while patting me on the leg and asking me to keep my knee in!!! He was taking diabolical liberties on this moped at every turn and we were flying through the traffic at up to between 80-100 km an hour, missing cars and buses by inches! I think the deal was he was trying to teach me a lesson for winning the bartering round by trying to shit me up! But what he didn’t bargain for was the fact that I was absolutely bloody loving it!!!!!
At every “near miss” I was shouting in his ear combinations of “GO ON SON!” – “NICE ONE!” – “HAVE IT!” – “YOU’RE FUCKING MENTAL MATE!” and laughing!!! After one near miss, however (a woman cyclist had decided it was a good idea to cycle SLOWLY straight across a three lane carriage way!!!!!), I thought I’d better do a bit of a spiritual thing and visualise myself arriving safely at the airport. That done, I felt free to enjoy the experience again!!! 🙂
It was funny though, as we were speeding along the highway we touched 100k and the wind was tearing my eyes apart. I thought “Should’ve worn me sunglasses”. Then I had a panic…. What did I do with my sun glasses??? ……”Oh for Christ’s sake, I haven’t lost another pair of sunglasses have I???” I thought……”What a bloody muppet!!!!” (I keep breaking or losing sunglasses for some reason). Then I went to protect my eyes with my hand and found I was bloody wearing them!!!!!! We were going that fast!!!! 🙂
Mid way we stopped to fill up with petrol and the guy had a dialogue in Thai with the pump attendant. I tried to join in by imitating the guy on the moped and saying “This guys crazy!” They looked at each other, said something in Thai and laughed. I goes “Bro…. what did you say?” and he said “You…(then pointing to my groin area)…..Big Dick!” and laughed while nodding his head!!! 🙂
So we gets to the airport safe and sound, and I’m thinking “I gotta give this guy a bit of a tip…. you’d pay 30 quid for a ride like that at Blackpool Pleasure Beach!”. So I hunted my pockets for any bart coins I had left and gave him them. I said “I wish I could give you more mate” and he eyed up the sandwiches I had in my carrier bag…. so I gave him one and he was very pleased!!!! I said “Thanks bud” and he said “Good luck to you!” and sped off. So I got the ride of my life for 200bart, some shrapnel and a sandwich!!! And you dont get value like that at Blackpool … or Southend!!!!!! 🙂
Anyway, I goes and checks in and as I’m going through passport control, there before me are the French dudes. Once through, as I had no money left, they chipped in and got me a beer with them…. viva la France! Turns out they’ve got friends in Berlin too, so we made a plan to meet up for the world Cup in Germany next year. England, Germany and France….. fuck the European Union…. lets just play football!!!!
Next stop…. Aaauuuussssstttrrraaaaalllliiiiiaaa!!! 🙂
Well, I’m back in Bangkok at the mo and heading for Australia later on today for the next leg of this round the world experience. Did wanna get all this banged out and caught up with by the time I hit Oz, but I’m a notoriously slow typer, so its taking me forever and is costing me a fortune!!!!!! Its lucky there’s no propa long stories happening at the moment, cos I dont think I’ll ever catch up! I am experiencing loads of wonderful synchronisms though which are making life a lot simpler and straight forward. You know what I mean, meeting the right person at the right time or being in the right place at the perfect moment in order to take advantage or create an opportunity.
Like this morning, for instance…. I was walking along knowing I had to sort out my lift to the airport and was going to the place where I got my mini bus ticket when I returned to England a month ago (I had a really good giggle with the woman there when I bought the ticket. As I was waiting there we had a bit of banter and played noughts and crosses and then boxes for about 45 minutes until the bus came). I thought it’d be nice to say hello anyhow and so I went back there.
Anyway, when I got there, the place was gutted….. being totally renovated, so I thought…..oh well, I’ll try elsewhere. Then as I walked along I heard a woman calling out “LEE….LEE!!!”. I looked up and it was the woman riding her bike along the road!!!! She looked really pleased to see me and said “I’ve been thinking about you” and I said “And I’ve been thinking about you too…. I need a bus to the airport!!!”. She laughed and said “This way”!!! 🙂
Anyway, as she starts selling me a ticket she mentions the mini bus will take 1 1/2 hours to get to the airport cos there’s many people to pick up. Then my intuition kicked in and I thought it’d be better to get a cab. So I said “I’m gonna think about it first and have breakfast”. She said “ok” and so I went next door, where there was a guest house restaurant, and as I’m looking at the menu I looked up and there was Yonick (a French guy who I was on the rafting trip with). We had a chat, and it turned out that him and his mate’s flight for France was leaving within ten minutes of my flight to Sydney. They were also debating whether or not to get a taxi or mini bus to the airport. But with three of us it should be cheaper to get a taxi and also be quicker and easier!!! Job done!!!! And so I’m hooking up with them as soon as I finish this email!!!
So anyway, after I finish the Cambodian section… it’s off to Oz!!!!
Right….. this next bit I was gonna keep personal, but I dont see how it matters much now, and it’ll help you to understand where I was at that point, and also it’s good that I remember. Ok…. avert your eyes if you’re queasy…. this could get soppy!!! 🙂
Just before I left, and in true Miller style, I fell for a girl. Yep… rainbows, sunshine rays, the works…. fantastic timing hey!!! But anyway, just as I’d reached the point where hope for the future had turned to the realisation that – “You know what…. this really aint gonna happen”…. this happened……..
I was on the bus from Phonom Phen to Kratchie. My emotions were fucked, I’d been ill, I hadnt slept properly for a couple of nights, I was unshaven and my face reflected how I was feeling inside…. down and disheartened. Usually when I go about I’m open and initiating contact, but on this day I was closed and avoiding other people……. yet whenever I happened to catch someone’s eye, they smiled at me even though I wasn’t initiating anything. Does everyone experience that genuine smile from a complete stranger? I hope so!
Anyway, I was sitting on the bus, feeling down and minding my own business, when this lady with a child came up to me. She looked into my eyes, smiled and offered me some corn on the cob. I’d just eaten some of my own so politely refused. She smiled and nodded and sat back down. Then a couple of minutes later she came up to me again and this time offered me a hard boiled egg. I smiled and accepted and was very thankful. She smiled and went back to her seat.
These are poor people who struggle to survive on what little they have…… and she did that……. but why?……. and why to me? I tell you what….. I’ve been told before that I shine light into the lives of the people I meet…….. but people shine so much light into my life too! It was one of the kindest acts I’ve ever experienced because I was in such a low place. The egg was lovely by the way and I bought them a drink later on the journey. Lovely lovely 🙂
So from Krachtie to Stung Treng, and from Stung Treng to the border by the fasted boat in the east!!!! They’re long, thin, flat boats powered by…… car engines!!!…. fantastic and fucking loud!!! People had been saying you shouldn’t use them cos apparently there’s fatalities every week, and if you do… wear a crash helmet!!!….. yawn bloody yawn I was like!!!! Anyway though, as we’re speeding along the river at between 40-50 miles an hour I tried putting my hand in the water……. except it didn’t feel like water at all… it felt like bloody concrete!!!!!! Where was that bloody crash helmet?!!!! 🙂
So we gets to what has been billed the most corrupt border in the region. Apparently they always demand a bribe. So, not wanting to get involved in corrupt money exchanges, I went armed with a can of beer and a lollypop!!!! 🙂
Anyway, this Canadian guy and his Korean girlfriend (who I was on the speed boat with) went through first and apparently gave about a dollar bribe. So it was my turn to go into the office. The official wanted 3 dollars, but I just played the sweet little Englishman who’d already paid his visa act. The geezer was blatantly a good man who knew he was taking liberties and so he just stamped my passport without me giving him a bribe. Nice one! 🙂
But as I walked out the office, I thought…”You know what… I’m gonna give you that beer anyway”. So I did…. and all the border guards gave a little cheer!!! It was pukka!!!
So, on we went to try our luck at the Laos side armed with a lollypop and some sweets! And in hindsight, I’m glad I gave that beer to the decent bloke the Cambodian guy was, cos as events transpired, my first three hours in Laos were…… to be frank ….on the edge!!!
Dunno if you’re aware, but as little as two and a half decades ago Cambodia was being ruled by the Khymer Rouge, a completely evil regime which stripped its population of everything from material possessions to individual self worth. History didn’t exist beyond year zero…. the year they took power, and children were taught that the expression of love and relationships was wrong and they had to reject and disown their families. Any person showing any kind of intelligence or individuality was seen as a threat, arrested, tortured and inevitably killed in the killing fields. The brain washed kids were used to police the adults…… nice hey. For me, the onslaught and attempt at the complete destruction of the human spirit on an entire population was worse than what the Nazi’s did during world war 2. I’d argue the point if I thought it was worth it.
While in the capital I went to a place called Tong Sleung (probably got that spelling completely wrong). It’s the school that was converted into a prison and used as a centre of torture during the KR years. I had a really strange experience there.
As I walked around, seeing the places where these atrocities had occurred and seeing the pictures of the people it had happened to, I started feeling really low, it was really getting me down. I couldn’t comprehend how such a thing like that could have occurred and what could have brought people to commit such acts of evil on other human beings. It’s awful. Then as I continued to walk I started thinking of all the people I loved back home, me mum, little brothers etc, and suddenly I was in the opposite polarity. I was feeling elated and full of love! I started thinking….. should I be feeling like this in such a place?……. then I thought, Damn right…….. this place needs all the love it can get!
Near the end of the tour route there was a wall with a load of graffiti on it. Some of the comments were a bit wise…. other comments were distinctly unwise, but one beautiful person had written a quote by Gandhi, which, as I read it, made me feel as light as a feather….
“Be the change you wish to see in the world”
Could you have put a truth any better then that? Is there a greater path to your infinite power and potential? Beautiful.
Anyway, just as I returned to the guest house, literally as I walked in the door, the opening credits of a film were on the tv screen. I had intended to go straight up to my room and get some kip cos I was cream crackered, but thought I’d wait for a moment and see what the film was….. it turned out to be the Killing Fields. I’d never seen it before so I thought I’d better go with this synchronism and watch it. Bloody Hell…… 2 hours later my heads fucked. Superbly human film, but with the double whammy of actually being at a site where some of that shit actually happened hours before you can imagine where my emotions were. So I went out for a walk along the river. Felt pretty numb at the time…. wasn’t thinking anything, just watched the world go by as it passed me.
I passed this food vendor and saw a pastry type thing that looked edible, so resolved to munch it!!! Just as I was about to purchase it, a little beggar boy came up to me and indicated for me to buy him one. I thought…. why not and said “ok”. Then his eyes lit up and he started shouting “My friend, my friend”…… and out of nowhere another beggar boy turned up (his friend) and he asked me to buy him one too! I was like “You cheeky little monkeys…. go on then”. So we each had one and as it happened it turned out cheaper for me anyway cos the vendor geezer was gonna rip me off, but the lads made him charge me the “local” price!!! 🙂
So I went and sat down by the river and started to munch on me pasty like type thing, which was actually quite nice. To my surprise, a couple of minutes later, the lads come and joined me. I thought they’d just scarpered, so we just sat there by the river stuffing our north and south’s taking the world in. It was pleasant uninteractive company. Then this lady drinks vendor came up to me offering me drinks, and I started having a joke around with her, and to cut along story short, as time passed by, more and more Cambodians added to our little group until there was about 8-10 of us having a bubble by the side of the river and not speaking a word of English! A pukka evening by all accounts!!! It was so lovely 🙂
Phenom Phen was the place I started getting ill on the “local” food though. I’d pretty much stuck with it up until then, but ever since every time I eat or even think about eating this fried rice/noodle malarkey, I come over all tom dick! It aint the way forward for me…. and to be quite frank…. when your dinner comes out of your arse, looking the same as when it went in your mouth, there’s something definitely wrong with the recipe!!!
Anyway, after Phenom Phen it was onto Silhoukoville to be by the beach for a week (it rained!!!) then back to Phenom Penn and onto Laos via Kratie and Stung Tren.
Well, the morning was dismal and wet, as the bus set off for the capital. Oh… to be in England!!!! 🙂 I had to go back to Vientienne enroute to Vang Veing which lay in the north west part of the country, by the mountains and on the way to Luang Probang. I was only going there because I’d happened to hear about the place and it sounded cool as, with tubing (going down the river on a tyre tube drinking beer!!!) being the main draw!!! But it meant that I had to spend another night in Vientienne in order to catch another bus the next day….luckily, I still had time before this international meeting started!!!!
I wondered if I would see Bee, Caroline and Tim/Tim again as they said they were heading the same way too. Would be cool, but didn’t think that much more of it.
There was a thick mist throughout the pass this time, with it being rainy and cold throughout the journey. Our armed escort looked extra vigilant throughout…. especially when the bus had to slow down to negotiate the odd small landslide caused by the heavy rain. I dunno though….. having someone with a gun around doesn’t really make me feel secure….. in fact it generally has the opposite effect!!!
And just cos that persons a policeman doesnt make it feel any better because not every coppers a good person who genuinely has justice and your rights at heart. Much of the time they’re just pawns of the state carrying out and enforcing the agendas of politicians cos it’s their job. The same goes for soldiers…… wars would stop tomorrow if they refused to pick up their guns when their conscience told them to…..but orders are orders hey….. even if they do come from spiritually inept political leaders who try and overcome their gapping energy deficit through a thirst for individual power and greed. And that same spiritually inept political class manipulated the population into believing Muhammed Ali was a traitor when he refused to fight!!!!! And they did it, not because they were afraid of the strength of his fists…… but because they feared the effect of the strength of his enlightenment. One person can change the world…… without a gun……. and they know it!!!!!
Once in Vientienne, I checked back into a room at the guest house. The next morning I went out for breakfast at the only decent place in town…….. and the only place in Laos where you can get western food……. with western standards…..and it was….The Swedish Bakery……HALLALUYA!!!! The Swedish bakery is a Gem Stone in the communist grey crown of Vientienne!!! It’s a bakery with all the European trimmings, which also doubles up as a restaurant where fried rice and vegetables are not on the menu!!!! But you can get FRIED BACON!!!!!! And if that wasn’t enough….. Earl Grey and English Breakfast Tea aswell!!!! Along with……. papers in English!!!! FANTASTIC!!!! I felt like a very jolly boy…….. and I wasnt even on an outing!!!! 🙂
AHH MATE….. you would not believe the sensation of experiencing western civilisation after you’ve been away from it for so long!!!! Its great traveling the world and seeing different places…. but it felt so good to order some food and then have the pleasure of eating it, without wondering if the script for “Gandhi Stikes Back” was in the process of being written!!!!! 🙂
So I ordered my English breakfast….. which was annoyingly labeled “American Breakfast”…… and sat down to begin munching my beloved!!!!!…… and then Bee turned up with the crew!!!
“How you doing?” I asked “I thought you guys were heading off when I went to the Plain of Jars?”. “We were, but the buses weren’t going because of a landslide on the road, we’ve been stuck here, but we’re leaving today” she said. It was the landslide Owen had been going on about!!!!…. “Nice one, can I join you then?” I asked….
“OF COURSE” was her wonderful reply.
I told them the deal on the breakfast and went to get myself another English Breakfast Tea at the counter in the room next door. It was so funny, as I was ordering, I was having fun with all the girls working there (4 of them), in my usual way, and just as I cracked a joke and made them all laugh similtaneously…. Bee walked through the door and gave me a funny smile… “You flirting with all the girls again?” she said and actually looked jealous!!!! Fantastic!!!! “Yeah….. would’ve been rude not too” I winked back at her. Then after she’d ordered everyone’s stuff too, we proceeded to go back and join the others with Bee informing everyone of what had just happened….. “You should’ve seen him” she appeared to enjoy saying!!!!… “Gor Blimey love…. I’d love to see you too!” I thought!!!
And so, straight after breakfast, reunited and feeling all the better for some bacon and eggs, a cup of tea and catching up on the football results……….. the double couple and the crafty cockney continued together on their journey. We were like the Famous Five….. guess who was gonna be Timmy!!! 🙂 ….. and Enid Blyton was going to enjoy writing the next chapter………… because the next adventure was all about…………. Vang Veing!!!
The next morning we set out in the mini-bus and headed for The Plain of Jars. There were about 12 of us by now and it seemed a nice group, but my mind was elsewhere…… three guesses where!!!!! 🙂 Yep, like a love sick puppy which has just been deserted by its owner…….. I was feeling sorrier for myself than Eeyor after just losing a pin the tail on a donkey competion with Winnie the Pooh!!!!!!! Fucking soppy bollocks that’s what I was!!!! 🙂 But it was strange……. as the bus continued on its journey, my thoughts were becoming clearer and more concise, and the confusion appeared to be slowly dispelling. It felt like the mist of uncertainty was beginning to clear itself around me.
We arrived at the Site 1 of the Plain of Jars which is the biggest, in terms of area and the size of some of the “exhibits”. The driver gave us a safety briefing before we got out (basically the whole area was full of unexploded bombs and mines, and only the areas between the red/white markers had be demined and were safe. In fact, there were many more sites containing the Jars, but only 3 had been decontaminated). So we got off and bought our entry passes/tickets and walked towards site one. It’s quite picturesque there, with rolling hills and random trees, sometimes in clusters, being dotted about over the hills of green grass. Its almost reminiscent of the Somerset levels and Tors around Glastonbury, except without the patchwork of hedgerows and lanes.
It looked beautiful, but as you looked towards the mountains in the distant, you saw where the lines of thick jungle randomly encroached on the grassland terrain, almost like a waves waiting to devour it, and immediately you realise that the grassland was not the areas natural state…….. bombs had a lot to do with its new look and the land was still in recovery. Laos has the unenviable position of being the worlds most bombed country and standing there taking in the landscape, I could see the evidence and why.
At the entrance of Site 1 there’s an information board about the Jars. Unfortunately, much had been lost and some Jars were blown up or blown out of their original position by all the bombing campaigns. But some human remains had been discovered in or under some of the Jars and it turned out a French female Archeologist had been studying them for over 20 years………yep, that’s over 2 decades Trig 😉 ………. and in that time she’d come to some startling conclusions!!!!!
I tell you what…….. they almost blew ME away when I read them!!!!! She concluded that………. the Plain of Jars were possibly for Religious Purpose and of Ceremonial use!!!!
Fan-fucking-tastic!!!!! Well I’m glad that’s that mystery solved then!!!! 🙂 Get on your plane and fuck off back to France love!!!!!! 😉 I could’ve come to that conclusion in 5 minutes!!!!! Gor Blimey….. so lets get this straight…..she’s done her education in France, gone to all the effort of getting her degree, flown over to Laos, eaten fried rice and vegetables for over 20 years, which is over 2 decades – well I wouldn’t go that far Dave 😉 – and that’s the best she could come up with!!!! What a messer!!!! You can just see the scene now….. of her giving a lecture to a bunch of English Kids………
“So, moi enfants…….. whvat do you tink zthe purpOse of zthe Plain of Jars was?”
“It aint got anything to do with religion has it Miss?”
“Ahhhh…..sacreau bluer!!! I ad no ideya you were alreaDy so learned in zthe loaws of ArkeOlogee”
“Nah miss………. I was just having a laugh, innit”
“Tres bien, moi petit garcon……. but whvat do you tink it was used foar?”
“Err……. didnt have anything to do with ceremonies did it Miss?”
“Je ne comprise pas!!!!! Ow you kno so much? You Engelish bastard!!!! Your mother was a hamster…. and you father smelt of….. elderberries!!!!!” 🙂
Bloody hell, I bet the bird must feel really disappointed with herself!!!! Ok….. well what kind of religion and what kind of ceremony?!!!!! You dont know do you!!!! Why is it whenever archeologists cant explain something, instead of saying they dont know, they always pull that fucking line out of the bag!!!! Leave it in the bag and try being honest……… you bunch of fucking muppets!!!! (the ones that pull that line out of the bag that is!!!!) 😉
And as I walked around, feeling the place, I felt there must have been more significance in the placing of the Jars. I wondered if, like the temples of Angkor representing the star constellation of Draco on the earths surface, maybe the jars were originally set out to reflect the heavens and each persons soul, who may have had their remains put in a particular jar, may have been thought to go to that star after death……… it’ll be their star, almost like today where you can buy the rights to name a star on the internet!!!
It was just a thought, with a bit more imagination and sensation, but it would be difficult to prove now after the septic tanks have done such a remarkable job at re-landscaping the area at a knock down price of $2 million dollars a day!!!!! But maybe, somewhere out there, there were 3 big Jars representing the belt of Orion, like the Pyramids of Giza. Its unlightly you’ll ever know now though……… and I dont fancy spending 20 years on the subject….. 20 minutes was good enough for me!!!!! 🙂 Still, maybe the other theory that the decorated Jars were being made to celebrate the ascension to the throne of one of the Kymer Kings was right…… just like the plates we get of the Queen, with a picture of her “smiling”mug on them!!!! It would be a bit of an effort to get these Jars on your sideboard though!!!! 🙂
Some of them were huge, weighing over a ton, taller than your average man and wider then the Rolly-Pollys…… but not quite as old!!! 😉 And you could see on some that at one point they were very well carved and decorated, only now that decoration had all but been eroded away, leaving them looking pretty “plain”. There was one with a broken lid, and as I looked inside I saw a Pepsi can…. that was nice….. obviously a sponsorship deal going on!!!! I tried to grab it to throw it away, but couldn’t reach so had to leave the advertisement in all its spiritual glory….. looked like Pepsi had recruited another star!! 😉 . I reckoned that all the Jars must have had lids before and found one half buried in the soil. No doubt the other ones had been half-inched over the years, for building “purposes” and the odd wheel “use”!!! 🙂
It was feeling like a spiritual place to me and after a butchers hook around, we re-assembled in the bus and headed off for the second site…… or Site 2 as its officially known!!!…. and when we got out we discovered that we had to pay again for another ticket. Well, the Israelis kicked off at this point (they really weren’t ones for parting with money!!!) informing the guards that, quite rightly, the ticket says entry to The Plain of Jars and doesn’t say any individual site, meaning it gave right of access to all of them so we shouldn’t have to buy another one. There was definitely something moody going on, but I just sat back and let the Israelis deal with it… seeing as they were so apt at getting the best deal!!!! 🙂
But in the end the Israelis lost the battle…… the guard had a gun…… and on this occasion, Israel didnt……….because this time they hadn’t been given funding from the Yanks!!!! 😉 So we all payed up…..except for all the girls. All 6 of them stayed on the bus as they couldn’t be bothered to get out and see any more jars!!….. Apparently they were all “Jarred Out”!!!!!!
What the Fuck?!!!!!! Now the thing is, if you come to see the Plain of Jars…. then you’ve pretty much made a special effort to be there……. its not like they’re just round the corner and you’ve come to have a quick peek!!!! It’s a fucking mission to get there!!! And quite frankly, after traveling all that way…. I wanted see as many Jars as possible!!!!! The more the merrier!!!! Bring on the Jars I say!!!!….even if they’re plain!!!!! 🙂
And that’s another thing….. what is there to be disappointed about? Its not like the Plain of Jars is selling itself as something its not………. they’re a bunch of jars…. and they’re plain!!!!! What the fuck did you expect?!!!! Its not like its says on the map “Plain of Jars with Fun Fair and Side-show attractions” and when you get there you’re disappointed the fun fairs not there, so you ask a copper “Where the fucks the Rollercoaster……and the side shows?!!!” and he says “Ahh, you just missed them, we had move them on…….they were making a terrible mess”.
Jarred fucking out, I ask ya!!!! I tell you what…. The Plain of Jars is like Ronseal Varnish…. it does exactly what it says on the tin!!!!!!! Muppets…. the lot of em!!!! But it was their choice I guess….. a victory for freewill….with a lack of appreciation coming in a close second!!!!!! 🙂 So us guys all went on, climbing the hill to site 2, which was surrounded with trees and felt a lot more special and personal then site 1. It was nice. And then we returned to the bus to face the inevitable questions from the girls….”Was it nice?…Was it worth seeing?”… “Yes and yes”…. and then we headed for site 3.
I remembered Rory had said that this one was the best of the lot, so I waited in anticipation to see if he was right, and just as we got there the rest of the guys (apart from Owen) announced that they were “Jarred out” too and couldn’t be arsed to walk to it, preferring to sit in this shelter/restaurant and wait. Oh my God…. what was happening?…. was this “Jarred Out” syndrome contagious?!!! But it didn’t bother me, in fact I was glad……. it meant I’d have the place pretty much to myself…. lovely jubilee!!!! So me and Owen headed for Site 3.
Now to get to Site 3, you have to walk through rice paddy fields, and not only do you wonder if you’re going the right way, but you also wonder if you’re gonna get blown up at any point!!!! But I happened to see a Jar in the distance on the slope of a hill, so was satisfied I was on the right path!!!! And as we got up there, the place felt magical to me…. it felt beautiful. This was the smallest site which had been decontaminated, but it was by far the most intimate and personal….. it was a hill (much like the Tors in Somerset) covered in woodland (not dense vegetation), surrounded by lowlands, which again resembled the Somerset Levels. It felt like a special place in every aspect to me and the Jars were dotted about the hill top, not obviously like at the other sites…. but obscure as if they were hiding from you, yet waiting to be discovered. I felt so at ease there…. it was so peaceful, picturesque and beautiful.
I walked about alone, exploring and feeling the energy, and I saw, after 10 minutes, that Owen had already started making his way back to the bus. I was on my own!!!!……… and just like the time I was at Machu Pichu……….. I had the place completely to myself!!!! And it felt so special……. I felt a similar vibe there to what I felt at Machu Pichu years before in terms of the magic. My mind felt so clear…. in fact, I think my mind was the clearest its ever been before or since in my life….. I was fully conscious, and without me even making an effort……. my internal dialogue had completely shut down. I was just being!!!!
I stayed there for around 45 minutes and in that time the only periodic thoughts I’d had were related to Nicole and I had some deep and powerful intuitions about things. It all seemed so clear to me up there….. for the first time since I met her I felt completely myself again and nothing really seemed to matter…. it all seemed so irrelevant…. it didn’t matter anymore…..things were gonna be alright and whatever happened, it would be the right way……. it was if I’d disconnected from my emotions and all that remained was truth……… which came to me clearly. I felt like myself again. So after taking in and appreciating the place for one last time, I headed back to the bus, feeling like a new man without the burden of weight across his shoulders. It felt good.
I arrived back, feeling quite upbeat and not giving a fuck that people were waiting…. they had the chance to go up there if they wanted to, and that was the only time I reckon I’ll ever be up there so I felt I had every right to make the most of it. On the way back I started formulating a letter I was gonna email Nicole in my head. All the words seemed to just flow and felt so right. But when I got back and started writing it down, I was in tears as I put pen to paper. My emotions had taken control again and I realised what my letter was saying. I was basically finishing it and it was clear that that was not what I wanted emotionally!!!!…. I know, I know………. I was back to square one… what a twat!!!! But I tell you what…. it’s fucking hard when you’ve got no one to talk to about affairs of the heart…….. it drives you insane because you dont think rationally and there’s no one there to let you know what rational is at that point!!!!! It was a bloody experience I can tell ya, and my bollocks were getting soppier by the minute!!!!!!!! 🙂
But it felt right to send it, so I went with it and found an internet place to mail from, but just before I could finish typing it out, the internet cafe was closing so I couldn’t send it. Oh well, so I just saved it and left. I felt so much better though having written everything down though….. and as I walked away the feeling of a need to send it left me altogether!!!! So I went out and found Owen in a restaurant (Ramadans!!!!) and we went on to have a pukka evening.
Things felt all gravy again….. and in the morning I set out for the place where I was to have the best times of all…… a “most excellent” place by the name of…… Vang Vein 🙂
The Adventures of Miller 